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So it's been a while since I made a real post here. Mostly because I wanted to post about my final decision about study abroad, but I also wanted to hold off, because posting it here feels kind of like the final word. Even though I had already decided, really, (in fact, I had decided even before I received the acceptance) I still wanted to spend some time imagining having the choice in front of me. To enjoy, in my imagination at least, the possibility of doing everything I wanted to do.
I really appreciate everyone's input in response to my post. I agree that it would be an experience that would add to me and to my relationships. I've lived overseas before, and I know how much that experience has altered me, and how glad I am for that alteration. Perhaps I wouldn't even be studying Japanese if it weren't for that experience.
On the other hand, I am very near to graduating - one semester left, only 3 classes!!! - and going to Japan would put graduation off by another year. Most of you probably know that getting my BA has been a long time coming, and I've been in and out of college for the last 11 years. I really want to be done! I also don't really have the financial wherewithal to make it happen. I regret that I procrastinated too long on my financial aid and scholarship stuff, but even if I had gotten it all done, there's no guarantee that I could have afforded it anyway.
Finally, I recently realized how much I hate moving. I've moved 33 times, mostly within California, but I have also moved (twice!) from one country to another, and it's no joke. Even only a year is a big deal. I don't really want to do it if I don't have to. And I'm not sure I'm really ready to be that far away from my family. I know a lot of people might have trouble relating to that, but I'm very close to my family. They are my dearest, most constant friends. They've been there through everything and stuck by me even when I was being a real pain in the neck to them. I'm sure I would make new friends in Japan, but I would seriously miss, with a tearing pain in my heart, my friends here (and I mean you guys, too, not just my family).
In short, I'm not going. I have the forms sitting on my desk at home, waiting to be sent to notify the committee of my decision not to participate.
The Japanese have a saying: "髪が引かれる思い" (kami ga hikareru omoi) which means "the feeling of having one's hair pulled", and it refers to the tugging of the choice not taken. I'm sure I'll feel the tug of this choice for a long time. However, there will be other opportunities, and I'm really looking forward to finishing my BA.
I really appreciate everyone's input in response to my post. I agree that it would be an experience that would add to me and to my relationships. I've lived overseas before, and I know how much that experience has altered me, and how glad I am for that alteration. Perhaps I wouldn't even be studying Japanese if it weren't for that experience.
On the other hand, I am very near to graduating - one semester left, only 3 classes!!! - and going to Japan would put graduation off by another year. Most of you probably know that getting my BA has been a long time coming, and I've been in and out of college for the last 11 years. I really want to be done! I also don't really have the financial wherewithal to make it happen. I regret that I procrastinated too long on my financial aid and scholarship stuff, but even if I had gotten it all done, there's no guarantee that I could have afforded it anyway.
Finally, I recently realized how much I hate moving. I've moved 33 times, mostly within California, but I have also moved (twice!) from one country to another, and it's no joke. Even only a year is a big deal. I don't really want to do it if I don't have to. And I'm not sure I'm really ready to be that far away from my family. I know a lot of people might have trouble relating to that, but I'm very close to my family. They are my dearest, most constant friends. They've been there through everything and stuck by me even when I was being a real pain in the neck to them. I'm sure I would make new friends in Japan, but I would seriously miss, with a tearing pain in my heart, my friends here (and I mean you guys, too, not just my family).
In short, I'm not going. I have the forms sitting on my desk at home, waiting to be sent to notify the committee of my decision not to participate.
The Japanese have a saying: "髪が引かれる思い" (kami ga hikareru omoi) which means "the feeling of having one's hair pulled", and it refers to the tugging of the choice not taken. I'm sure I'll feel the tug of this choice for a long time. However, there will be other opportunities, and I'm really looking forward to finishing my BA.
