Monterey Travelogue

I kept a journal of our trip to Monterey. Unfortunately, it's somewhat abbreviated, since I got sick on our last night there and we had to cut short our trip. No fun! It was also a rather couch-potatoish vacation, so if you want to hear about the aquarium or Cannery Row or the wharf or anything, we didn't go to any of those places. So, without further ado, I bring you...

( The absolutely fascinating Monterey travelogue )

Big Fish and big thoughts

I went to see Big Fish today. I had to go see it - after all, it's a Tim Burton movie with Ewan McGregor in it. I can't really give a fair evaluation of the movie, though, since the main storyline focuses on the relationship between a son and his dying father. His father's dying in a way that's eerily similar to my grandfather's passing (Oct. 27, 2003) - stroke, provoked by chemo. There are some hospital scenes near the end, and I couldn't stop crying - I just kept thinking of Grandpa and how hard it's been to say goodbye to him, especially for my dad. I'm really glad Dad didn't come with us - I'm sure it would have been too much for him.

The main thought I had about it had to do with how we let the magic of those we love sort of fade in our minds, until the things, that if we noticed them, would give us a sense of wonder and joy, become sort of matter-of-fact. Sometimes I think we even come to doubt them. I think of my father, and his many wonderful qualities, and I realize that sometimes, when I feel down or cranky, I feel like it's not real. I've let the magic fade away. It's a sad thing, but I don't really know how, in my everyday life, to hang onto the feeling that the people around me are special and wonderful, and remember how happy I am that they exist and care. I don't feel like I'm particularly bad at this, necessarily. I know I'm pretty good at getting maximum enjoyment out of other aspects of life - when I eat ice cream, for example, I really enjoy it, and when I watch a movie, I get really involved, and when I read a book, especially when I read a book, I am completely in that experience, and I'm really enthusiastic and appreciative of most of those kinds of experiences. Doesn't enjoying life seem like a similar skill to enjoying people?

The real limitation is that critical little voice in my head that criticizes me and the people around me. Where did it come from? I don't know, and I don't think it really matters - but I'm committed to making the voice of appreciation, encouragement and support stronger.