May. 25th, 2010

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I had this point I was going to make and then I decided it was pointless.*

I can feel myself walking away now and it feels pretty good. I was still trying to make sense of things and I think (for now at least) I'm just going to say "that was screwed up, thank goodness it's over, hopefully it won't happen again" and not try and figure it out much beyond that. At least not right now.

I've been working on various things over the past several months, trying to grow and take care of myself and stuff. I've added a new thing to it recently(something some of you on FB may have noticed) - regular exercise. I've got an app on my phone that connects with FB and I'm hoping that the social aspect of it will help reinforce me doing it. I keep wishing there was a bit more to the app, though - I want a "Fitness Adventure" game where I have a character I level up through exercise or something. I didn't find anything like that though. (Yes, I'm a big nerd - if you're just now figuring that out, well, I can't help you.) Anyway, I'm already liking how it makes me feel. I much prefer to be fit(ter) - I try not to worry too much about fitting into some popular concept of feminine beauty but I do like feeling healthy and capable. I had that feeling in Japan and I want it back. And I'd like to get some of it back before I go back - jumping back into biking/walking everywhere with the shape I'm in right now is a bit scary. I'm still not worrying too much about my diet except to just be a bit more conscious about what I eat and how much - I definitely need more veggies in my diet, and I need to actually put some energy into making that happen. There's always food around and most of it is decent, but veggies are challenging because of how quickly they go bad and how expensive it can be to buy good ones. I miss the produce in Japan!

There's a lot of other stuff going on here and there - family stress, money stress, friend stress, etc - but overall I think I'm feeling better about myself and about my life.

*Something about somebody thinking I was living for Steven and still seeing myself in terms of him after it was over and how that's not me and never was, which is true, but really, what difference does it make at this point? I'm me - always have been and always will be. I don't and never have defined myself by who I'm with or not with.

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